That’s what I’m calling this period in my life right now. I’ve been cycling back through old projects and old interests in some effort to keep things new and give myself something to do. I’ve been trying to finish some old projects which is making me feel productive, but that pressure to do so is also creating another mental argument about all the new projects I want to start as well. I should be more stressed out than I am, and when I remind myself of that I get… well… stressed out… So. here’s a few of the little routines I’ve been stuck on.
The first one and most exciting for me (although I’m still fighting boredom with it) is that I’m working on a zine! I decided to just work up the courage and finally get all my thoughts out about a specific topic and now I’m working on turning it into a little zine. I’m very pleased with how it’s going so far although I’m a perfectionist so the process is taking longer than I kind of wanted it to I suppose. I have to do projects so quickly or else I lose interest. But I’ve fallen into a slower pace of work on accident. I guess I’m still learning how to deal with that. I’m working on it! Just right now its been one spread per every 5-ish days… Which is not the pace I’m used to at all but for some reason I just get really tired and bored of it after sketching out two pages worth. So. You know! I’m hand writing and drawing the entire thing though which is making it a little more difficult for me but I don’t care at all. I make the art I want to see and I don’t take shortcuts to create it. The zine is basically my personal manifesto on the egg punk genre.
The second and more enriching routine I’ve gotten back into is reading and studying Marxist-Leninist theory. I started last year and then kind of drifted away from it, but recently I’ve become a lot more passionate about it. I’m currently reading Lenin’s “What is to Be Done?”.
The third and broader ongoing routine is my upcycling, sewing, getting rid of clothes I hate, minimizing my closet routine. This is another thing I’ve gotten a lot more passionate about the past few months as I’ve started to figure out the clothes I actually like to wear every day and putting more focus on quality over quantity. I used to always keep random items that I hadn’t worn in forever “just in case” I needed a little variety to my wardrobe. But the truth is that’s not how my brain works and thats not how my personal style works! I love wearing the same things every day because it gives me less to think about when I wake up in the morning and it lets me focus my thoughts elsewhere. The ultimate goal of course being the Seth Brundle philosophy of having 5 sets of the same clothes. But for now I’m working on getting rid of the things I don’t wear and trying to upcycle or recycle or just do something else with them instead of giving them to goodwill. I love to sew and the amount of fabric I have is absurd. BUT YET! I can’t think of anything to do with all of it. This is the other thing I was talking about. I’m finishing old projects but now my brain won’t let me think of new sewing projects and new things to do with all the clothes that I’m taking off hangers and putting in bins under my bed. It’s hard because I don’t necessarily want to make a bunch of useless shit that most “upcycling diy ideas” posts will give you. I don’t need another fucking bag because I don’t use bags. ITS ALL BAG MAKING WITH THESE PEOPLE. Whatever. I find enjoyment in designing weird medieval clown sort of outfits and making those out of the fabric I have on hand. I also find enjoyment in making stuffed… things… or 3D fabric sculpture art or whatever the hell you wanna call it. Right now I’m making a stuffed fly. I drafted it myself and maybe I’ll post it when I’m finished…
On that note I will say that I really have not thought about neocities at all lately. I still love web surfing and farting around reading what everyone else has to say on here but I haven’t kept up as of late! I do want to make a more portfolio focused website at some point (which I might’ve mentioned before??) so whenever I find the inspiration or motivation to do that I probably will and then link it here. Or for now I could make more pages you know for all the stuff I make. Once I have some stuff to show you know. I’m thinking the wardrobe could be for all my sewing projects since my actual clothing isn’t all that interesting to me. (I just don’t really have much to say about it) that is once I actually have sewing projects finished enough to post… and a layout idea! And of course the zine rack idea mentioned in like blog post 2 (“Germ’s Out of Ideas”) I think. I would make a page dedicated to drawings but I don’t see it as super necessary. You get my collection of Peter Sellers doodlings and thats IT. I also need to upload the photos I’ve taken recently. So there might be an update to the photos page if I really feel up to doing that. Maybe I’m just lazy.
Lastly I’ve been toying with the idea of selling my art. And you know I say that but genuinely I don’t even know where to start and everytime I think about it I don’t even know if I like the idea at all. I don’t like the idea of creating art just to sell it and I fear if I started selling anything that I would fall into that mindset. I don’t even know what I would sell! I have the tools and materials and skill to make things that I’m sure people would have interest in buying but the thing is I really just don’t want to. I could see myself doing commissions maybe… I just remembered that I could do that. I just can’t see myself being a flea market booth artist. THATS NO HATE TO THEM. I love going to art markets I love exploring art market booths I love buying art directly from the artist!!!! But that’s just not where I see myself I don’t think… IF I were to ever even consider seriously selling the things I create. I guess I also just don’t really have much interest in that either. Maybe prints. I’ve considered prints. I have some art I would consider selling prints of. But I think the idea of selling my art came from the need to do something with all the fabric I have. I don’t have anything I want to make for myself so I should just make stuff that I could sell. But honestly I just hate the entire ethos of that! It just to me takes all the heart and soul and fun out of making things. It puts the pressure for perfection and this pressure to remove a certain personal element. BUT WELL MAYBE IM STUPID FOR THINKING ABOUT IT THAT WAY. Say that to my brain not to me. Two separate people we are I swear.
Lastly lastly. I watched “A Clockwork Orange” and I loved it. I feel mentally castrated like Alex after the therapy. I can’t relate to Alex in any other way really. But that I really understood. I love the way they talk in that movie. I wish I and everyone else talked like that too. WOULD MAKE THE WORLD A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING I THINK!
Thanks for reading again I love you
- Germ