04/05/2025 -
On the Life and Death of Peter Sellers [movie]
Okay actually i kinda wanna talk about this movie forreal coming from my very biased peter sellers fan heart… i think the whole thing just feels really in-genuine until the very end when it focuses more on his like reflection on his past work and personal relationship with blake edwards that stuff is interesting. BUT like literally i think the entire movie just fails to provide any deeper understanding of peter sellers as a person ljke it wants to because i truly dont think it has any deeper understanding of peter sellers !!! it really just feels like a play by play of his life/career ….. the somber moments also dont feel somber or genuine at all to me and just seem like corny 2004 drama for the sake of drama slop!!! i will say i do like that they focused a decent amount on his weird relationship with his mother and stuff but i think ughhh like it portrays him as far too hollow… like it doesnt portray his personality that deeply to me beyond like. Sometimes he was really depressed. Sometimes he had mood swings and was angry. But like doesnt look into any of it beyond that…. And also like peter sellers was not evil!!!! There was kindness in that boy that this movie couldn’t even dream of.. Everyone that has ever talked about peter sellers has said like yes he was lowkey bpd but also he was a sweetie okay. Anyways . Also the parts that try to be artistic are interesting but veryyyy dated i guess. Very 2004. The problem with this movie is that it was made and came out in 2004.
05/03/25 -
Peter Sellers' Yacht
Ive been thinking about the peter sellers boat & ocean motif and how it connects to his need to create artificial liberty and freedom from his boring and stressful acting stuff and to fulfill some kind of emptiness but ends up even becoming bored with that, going back to land without ever really feeling fulfilled
This is my psychoanalysis of the day
Peter sellers always said in the later 60s that he has yet created his best work but then again he was never fully happy with anything he did . UNTIL being there in 1979 which he was really proud of but never got the acclaim he wished it did and then well he died.
its like really sad actually it makes me sad
06/08/2025 -
Unfinished Rambly Essay pt.1
Everything about Peter Sellers and the way that he is can be explained by his childhood and his relationship to his mother. To be blunt Peter Sellers was an only child, named Richard Henry but only ever called Peter. Which was the name of his Mother’s first child who died in the womb. This already kind of establishes an odd protection and obsessiveness that his mother would have over him.
The thing with Peter is more of a… falling into the same cycles no matter how hard you try not to. He constantly moved from house to house, car to car, gadget to gadget, wife to wife, movie to movie in some seemingly desperate attempt at escaping a past self (or lack thereof) that he didn’t like anymore. But the truth is the constant changing was in itself a repeating cycle. He was constantly trying to escape it but never could. He was constantly trying to fit in almost. He bought big houses, expensive cars, lost weight and tried to project himself as a handsome movie star because that’s what you did when you were famous and in movies. But again it was only really a character he was putting on. It wasn’t genuine. None of it truly meant anything to him. It seems to me to just be material objects to facilitate some sense of self that wasn’t really there. Even when he was younger, like a teenager he became so caught up in being liked by a girl, and subsequently other people that he assumed his own self wasn’t good enough, and put on a character and another to hide a true self that he was ashamed of, that he didn’t deem worthy enough. He was always a perfectionist y’know.
06/08/2025 -
Unfinished Rambly Essay pt.2
Eventually after putting on so many different faces I think he lost a true sense of being. He could be hollow, ghostly, but really underneath everything he was deeply insecure, and sensitive but most of all he carried a tenderness and softness and love that few ever truly saw. He was lonely and desperate to be liked and loved. He made the same mistakes over and over hating himself a little more each time. He could be awful, and spiteful, yes, but the guilt he carried after seemed to gnaw at him, eat away until there was nothing left. He bought fancy estates and tried to act like he belonged there but in reality he was more like a ghost haunting his own house. He was very childish but that’s primarily because his mother never let him grow up. He was stunted in a way, and never punished.
10/10/2025 -
Why?
on that note i think the thing that keeps me so intrigued about this freak is that his life story is so like. stupidly dramatic and also developed in an almost narrative . Way. Like theres too many coincidences and ongoing motifs and metaphors and repeating details from birth to death it almost feels so purposeful.
His whole thing of like not having a personality or sense of self of constantly playing some kind of character literally began the day he was born cuz his mama called him peter instead of richard henry after his older brother that died like a day after being born like you cant make this shit up .!!! you cant surgically remove something that was never there to begin with freak !!!!
12/2/2025 -
My Conspiracy
My conspiracy theory is i think peller was just so disgustingly insecure and neurotic that he couldn’t deal with being himself and thats why he told the press he had no personality and thats why he let characters possess him for months on end and thats why he was superstitious (constantly looking for some explanation for why he is the way he is) thats why he switched religions and wives and girlfriends and houses and cars 3 billion times trying to find some kind of identity to grasp onto cuz his self loathing was so deeply rooted in his soul. There is some universe where he turned out to be a roadsweeper like his papa said he would be anf maybe thats a more beautiful one for him. its also why in the mid sixties he decided he wanted to be cary grant and stop playing comedy roles and instead play into that weird hollywood lavishness (see casino royale) . 1. Out of insecurity and sensitivity 2. Out of wanting to play into some kind of identity that didnt really fit him at all but suited the lifestyle he was expected to have . HE EVEN SAID HIMSELF IN PRIOR YEARS THAT . He could never play the “handsome leading man roles” because they didn’t suit him AND they required you to play yourself. Cary grant just plays himself. Sean Connery just plays himself. But obviously peter couldnt DO that because he was sooo deeply insecure i think that he alienated himself from himself if that makes sense but really i also think despite that hes severely self aware . Most interviews from the 70s are extremely reflective and always kind of melancholic despite whatever amusing anecdotes he brings up.
